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1. You lean forward in the seat when driving your truck up a hill.
Makes it easier for my vehicle to go up the hill, right?
2. You plan your vacation days from work a year in advance in order to attend horse events.
Beach? Resort? Touring? Nah—we horse owners plan our horse events as our vacation days.
3. You have the finest selection of feeds for your horse but are happy to survive on hotdogs and toast.
Who needs fancy food? All I need is a healthy horse.
4. You can’t find a pair of shoes or boots without dirt on them.
Famous last words when you buy a new pair—“I will keep these nice. I will NOT wear this pair out to the barn. I will not. I will not.”
5. Your horses see the dentist annually. You go once a decade.
Horse-care before self-care, am I right?
6. You compare prices of things to how much horse stuff you could buy for that amount of money.
Hmmmm…I can pay an entire entry fee if I don’t buy this shirt.
7. Your truck has two extra lead ropes, two bags of treats, gloves, extra socks, two pairs of boots, an extra grooming kit, a first-aid kit, and 10 rolls of vet wrap.
Everyone knows to go to the horse person if something breaks—we always have everything in our truck.
8. You have to clean out a spot for someone to ride in your truck because of all the horse stuff.
The dog is the only one who travels with me anyway.
9. Your horse’s stall is cleaner than your house.
My horse can’t clean up his own messes. I have children to clean my house.
10. Your horse has a bigger, nicer wardrobe than you do.
And I just yesterday bought him another saddle pad.
11. You pass a mirror on the way to a business meeting and spot hay in your hair.
Everyone at work knows you’re the horse person because of the eau d’ equine and alfalfa accents.
12. You try to lift the shoulder and not lean into a turn when driving your car.
If I practice in my car it will translate to when I’m riding, right?
13. You spend your whole paycheck on your horse.
What do normal people spend their paycheck on?
14. Your horses get their feet done more than you.
Farrier care once every six weeks for the horse, pedicure once every six years for me.
15. You put on a coat you haven’t worn in a while and find horse treats in the pocket.
When the weather cools it begins to feel like Christmas—not because it’s cold, but because I find all manner of “presents” in my pockets.
16. You hate to get up to go to work but are flying out the door by 4 a.m. for a horse show.
I’m a morning person only on horse show days.
17. You tell your dog to “whoa” when walking him on a leash.
My dog listens, so really, I don’t see a problem here.
18. You have no qualms about taking a bite of the same apple or carrot you’re feeding your horse.
A little horse slobber never killed anyone.
19. Your favorite place to shop is the feed and tack store.
Buying me a gift? Skip Macy’s or Kohl’s and head straight for Tractor Supply.
20. You’ve hauled hay in your car.
When the truck is hooked up and it’s just a little too far to carry that many flakes of hay, the car trunk is the obvious solution, am I right?
21. Your to-do list for the barn is longer than the one for the house.
Barn chores are way more fun than house chores, anyway.
22. You poke a family member in the ribs and say “over” and they respond appropriately.
Yes, I get weird looks. But it works.
23. You own diapers but don’t have any kids.
The cashier asks me about my kids at checkout; I play along and describe my horse. (But aren’t diapers the best for treating abscesses?)
24. Your horse’s shoes cost $150 every six weeks. Your own go-to-town shoes come from Goodwill every couple of years.
Bonus: They’re already broken in.
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